先前东洋 @[email protected]

可视化辱华时间

freedom house 的报告里详细列出了各个国家对海外异议者使用的手段。其中唯有中国是真的五毒俱全的。

这首诗真的写出了我的心声。
作者是Upenn的人类学博士候选人，前段时间在国内做田调的时候突然去世了。

从凶手的角度说，性别问题从来不是性别问题。荣誉谋杀，可以是荣誉问题，也可以是信仰问题；家暴，可以是不孝顺（我）父母的问题，也可以是不顾家的问题；甚至连搭讪不成暴打一顿，也可以是不给面子或者情商低不会说话的问题……然而真正的问题是：在是不是性别问题的这个问题上，你为什么总是从凶手的角度想问题？

阿西八戒
The 8 I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts

1. 希望你们，在传道的时候，别那么自以为是，如果有人不信，那也没关系，你们的神不是虚荣好妒的神。
I’d really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious, holier-than-thou ass when describing my Noodly Goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.

2. 希望你们，不要以我的名义去镇压，征服，惩罚，残害别人，也不要与人为恶，我不要你们供奉。纯净度与水相关，与人无关。
I’d really rather you didn’t use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don’t require sacrifices and purity is for drinking water, not people.

3. 希望你们，不要用衣服相貌言辞来区分人。与诸有情，当怀慈忍。你们应当记得：女人=人，男人=人。色色生生，无有差等，但是说到时尚话题，非常抱歉，只有女人和部分极有天赋的男人能得到我的点化。
I’d really rather you didn’t judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this in your thick heads: woman = person. Man = person. Samey-samey. One is not better than the other, unless we’re talking about fashion and I’m sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.

4. 希望你们别为难自己，也别为难你那正当年的爱人，如果违反此诫，最好有点自知之明，电视关上，出去散步。不然你就草草自己吧。
I’d really rather you didn’t indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age and mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is go f*** yourself, unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.

5. 希望你们没吃饱饭的时候，对固执的人，恨意重重的人，不要理他，先吃，吃完再去找他们算账。
I’d really rather you didn’t challenge the bigoted, misogynist, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the b******.

6. 希望你们不要花钱给我建造奢靡之会堂/教廷/庙宇/圣寺/神龛，你们可以把钱用来：

a济贫扶弱

b 治病救人

c 好好过 好好爱 少看点电视
也许我是全知全能的复杂糖质生物，但是我生性淡泊。你懂的，我是造物主。

I’d really rather you didn’t build multimillion-dollar churches / temples / mosques / shrines to my Noodly Goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
a. Ending poverty
b. Curing diseases
c. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I am the creator.

7. 希望你们，别见人就说我曾召见过你，你并非万人迷，超越自己吧，然后去爱你的同辈。
I’d really rather you didn’t go around telling people I talk to you. You’re not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can’t you take a hint?

8. 希望你们，喜欢皮鞭蜡烛凡士林的，别强迫你的伴侣，当然如果他/她也喜欢，就去享受吧，别忘了拍照哦，另外，记得戴套套，那不过是一层胶膜而已。如果我不想让你做这件事儿的时候感觉很爽的话我早就让它上面有钉子或者别的玩意儿了
I’d really rather you didn’t do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather / lubricant / lass Vegas. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of mike, wear a condom! Honestly, it’s a piece of rubber. If I didn’t want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.